Doubts are completely normal. And they usually go together with other emotions: sadness, frustration, rejection, guilt, fear, disappointment, uncertainty… So, whether you decide to go on or not, you must allow you a time to think about it and emotionally prepare yourself, as giving up the idea of having a biological child always involves a loss. That’s why this process is technically called “genetic grief”.
In this post, Sandra García Lumbreras, responsible for the Psychology Unit at Dexeus Mujer gives us some helpful recommendations:
- It’s not all about genetics. Some studies prove that the environment in which a baby grows up and its experiences influence the genes expression. Moreover, the love it gets, the transmitted values, its education and beliefs define its personality, too.
- Do not postpone the decision. It’s important that you and your partner fix a deadline to decide whether going ahead with the donation or not. Generally, between three and four months is considered an adequate period to grieve and make a decision. Delaying the uncertainty situation could increase anxiety, emotional toll and it could affect the couple’s relationship.
- If you’re concerned about it, it is a good sign. Asking for psychological support means that you really care about your relationship with your future child. Don’t take it as insecurity about being mother, on the contrary, it emotionally shows maturity.
- Don’t let the situation affect your self-confidence. If you can’t have a biological child, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be a good parent and it can’t affect your self-confidence.
- A shared decision. If you have a partner, you must approach the donation from a joint point of view and make the decision together.
- Should we tell the child? And the family? When? Yes, you should tell the child. The moment will depend on his/her age and maturity. If he/she starts asking about where the babies come from, that could be a good moment. Regarding the family, it’s good to share it with them, at least with the closest relatives, so that they could support and accompany you.